Friday, July 25, 2008

Isn't it funny... things that used to be so important are now silly?

I saw part of a Miami Ink episode last night (I am fascinated by them...more on that later) and a girl got a few lotus flowers on her hip to signify a new beginning. She had just gone through a "bad break-up". I wanted to say "hey, wait six months, then decide if you still want it" simply because what seems so horrific to her now will probably become just a distant memory pretty quickly.

On Tuesday I met up with my younger sister, Ashley, for lunch. The subject turned to relationships, both past and present, and we both remarked how it's odd that it becomes so distant so quickly.

For example, the relationship I had before Matt and I started dating. I was a wreck when it ended. Seriously, a bonafide WRECK. It was not good. And now...I'm not quite sure why. He wasn't that great of a guy. I'm not going to bash him, because he wasn't a bad guy either, but he was nowhere near worth the anguish I put myself through. I had wanted to end the relationship for months, then when we finally did I was inexplicably heartbroken. Why does that happen? I think part of it for me is that I think of what could have been, or what I wanted it to be, but I wasn't looking at what it really was. What it was was all about one person, not two people in a relationship. I can see that now, so why couldn't I see that then? Why did I refuse to see it then?

And why is it, that now, looking back, I feel no pain? I thought for sure I would never be happy. Oh the histrionics. Now I can't believe I thought I could have ever been happy in that. I almost feel like it's a story someone else once told me, it's that distant.

What do you think it is that makes us forget? Or rather, makes us remember? Is it the time? Is it new experiences? Is it an excess of chocolate?


  1. You are so very right. I think it's often the "what could have been, or what I wanted it to be" you couldn't have said it better there. I think too for us girls our emotions go into overdrive, clouding our judgement. But your right a few months later and poof...what was I thinking. I met my husband about a month after a HUGE breakup. After 3mos of going back and forth with this guy, I started dating my husband and haven't looked back since. Funny how things work out.

  2. My relationship before Big D was rough on me...both the relationship and where it wasn't going (he would not commit) but yet at the same time I think I knew deep down that i did NOT want to commit with them. Regardless, I was in a major depression after I broke up with HIM. I did the whole "shoulda, woulda, coulda" about what it would have been like if we HAD gotten married etc. etc. I met Big D about five months later and like Julie said, my ex (even though we remained friends) was just not a thought in my brain. We women tend to over-analyze things way too much. LOL

  3. I think of what could have been, or what I wanted it to be, but I wasn't looking at what it really was.---Brilliant. Perfectly stated.

    Like you (and apparently a lot of others), I had a serious relationship that was such a roller coaster ride. We finally broke up (after a couple of times) and I immediately started dating my husband (I didn't cheat or anything, that was just how the timing worked out). Never even looked back. Growing pains. I say, if we didn't go thru those things, we wouldn't appreciate the lovely, secure, relationships we have. I'm definitely grateful for what I have.

  4. I've thought about this before... and you're so right. It's crazy how you're so heartbroken even if you knew the relationship wasn't for you. I remember thinking that one friend that I dated for a month would 'forever be in my heart'. Of course he wasn't and now I laugh that I dated someone two years younger than me.


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