Thursday, September 18, 2008

My Thoughts Should Probably Be Left Unsaid

You probably don't even want to know how this post came into being, and to be honest I'm not even sure how this came up in conversation, but for whatever reason, Matthew and I were discussing breast milk last night.

Yeah, I know. Weird. Anyway...WHILE discussing breast milk I was getting some frozen yogurt and I had the awesome idea that SOMEONE should come up with breast milk ice cream. For babies. (I wish I didn't have to make that clear, but this is the Internet and this place is weird y'all). My thought was, wouldn't that be a nice little treat for a baby in the summer? Babies like ice cream right?
I liked it when I was a baby, my mom would offer it to me and laugh when I would make faces as it touched my gums, but I would go back for more every time. (Oh come on! Who hasn't watched a baby make funny faces from a lemon?! Same thing people!) Little did they know I was lactose intolerant, but that is really neither here nor there.

Okay, back on topic, breast milk ice cream. I figured I had really come up with some novel idea this time! This time, we were going to hit it rich with the first ever breast milk ice cream maker. Matt wasn't keen on the idea, in fact he thought it was gross. But really, what about freezing breast milk makes it any weirder than the fact that a child is supposed to get it's sustenance from my boob?

I got online to see if someone had already stolen my marvelous idea, and LO AND FREAKIN BEHOLD...Mother's Milk Ice Cream. But then I kept this is for PEOPLE! Like...not-your-own-baby people! And you thought I was weird! But I have to wonder...does it come in flavors? Does breast milk HAVE a flavor? (Just in case any of you were wondering, I have no intention of finding out for myself, I'm just curious!)

Also can we take a minute to reflect on the Mother's Milk logo??

Umm...yeah...that's just...well, I mean, it's so...blatant. As if they were worried someone might think "oh no, I'm sure they just mean Mother Earth!" No, no, to clear that up they threw in the nipples. What is this world coming to y'all? Other bloggers may be concerned with the political race, the economy, or human rights, but no me, NOOOO sirree, here on Country Mouse I'm giving it to you straight, bringing you all the newest news and pondering...why on earth does that logo have nipples?

I also found a forum about making breast milk ice cream! Ohhh you bet I did! One suggestion...eating hot fudge or chewing on a vanilla bean before pumping. (I really wish you could see me shaking my head, because a lot of this post seems lost without that).

I started to get scared when I found this horrifying website where you can buy Breast Milk Cheese. (that is in french, so if you don't read french don't bother clicking, sorry). Apparently it is manufactured on a farm? Like...a woman farm? Isn't that called a brothel?
I should stop now. But really, who knew you could do all that with a boob? Not me, that's who!


  1. You're such a nerd!! I remember once when I mistook a pitcher of breast milk for a pitcher of milk and spit it out and was overly disgusted. Yuck!!

  2. BEKAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is hands-down the funniest effing post I have read in AGES. You should see me right now, sitting at my kitchen table with our windows open onto our wee cobblestone mews, with construction workers about 15 feet away working on the garage across the street, CRACKING MY ASS UP OUT LOUD reading about breast milk ice cream and cheese. I just IMed your post to The Lawyer and told him he had to read it. I have to tweet about this post right now. I am dying. You are one hilarious lady!



  3. It truly is funny! Maybe you are on to something. Did you get your morning coffee yet?


  4. You should patent these ideas. haha Only if they aren't offically taken yet. What a thought...and how that thought expanded! HAHA I love the mothers milk logo!

  5. The human breast is a wonderful thing! So is the Internet - there is also a lady out there who suggests making breast milk cheese, paneer and yoghurt...

    I love the logo though - as the two Ms symbolize the milk coming out of the nipples. I mean - without those nipples, it could just be a drawing of balloons... right?


  6. hey love,

    wonderful article! i heard this morning on the radio that there is a guy in Switzerland who is paying $50 a gallon of breast milk to make "dishes." he claims that by adding whipped cream, you get a thick consistency to make pottery?

    so long story short, if we get strapped for cash when we want to have kids... well you get the drift. "pump's on!"

  7. ew matt. ew. and hun?

    do you REALLY think i could ever possibly hold a GALLON of breastmilk? have you seen my ta-tas?

    I feel like a gallon would have to be a collective effort, OOO like from the woman farms that make cheese! its all coming together!

    but still..ew.

  8. Oh my. You might be as demented as me. But the logo-maker has us both beat

  9. Oh.My.Gawd.! I thought I heard it all when I discovered that you can simply buy breastmilk off the internet if your ta ta's weren't cutt'n it for your baby. And seriously, that IS gross.

    But THIS. Is a whole new level of putrid girl! And I agree with domestigals.....this is the funniest post I have read in a loooooooong time!

    Whoever created the logo was surely a man.

  10. This was so funny. Great post.
    I too tend to be one step behind when I get a fabulous idea. Only my ideas have not included breast milk. LOL

  11. Ewwww! But ROFL!!!!!

  12. That's awesome....look at the post I found!

    Swiss eatery to serve meat stew and soups made in mother's milk!

  13. LOL! The breast milk farm...I just imagine all these women lined up in a barn with pumps on their boobs! TMI!!

  14. omg! you are killing me beka. I was going to donate my milk to the milk bank for premmies but had second thoughts. not that the premmies did not need my milk, but rather, i don't know, just felt like i was stealing from my kids. I have heard of ice cream and cheese time you have a great novel boob recipe me and i may be able to help. not that i cook w/ it or anything, but it may help you not get your hopes up on your next millionaire plan. ew. i agree w/ Matt on this one. hahahahaha i so just had a thought....Ben and Jerrys newest flavor, Colostrum Crunch...gross , i know....never mind...going to go bed now.sleep.good.


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