Monday, September 29, 2008

Yet Another Glaring Example of Why My Husband is THE Better Half

**I know, this was supposed to be the favorite things linky post, but...well...I got incredibly sidetracked by being insane last night. Sorry guys, I'll make it up to you! I swear! And that post will be up SOMETIME this week. Probably tomorrow, but I don't to make a promise that I might break...again.**

So last night was one of those nights where everything was just...awful. We had been away for the entire weekend, and when we got home and I surveyed the state of disarray that our place had fallen into, something kind of...snapped. I was so incredibly angry at my dirty clothes that were just sitting in the laundry dare they not clean themselves? The nerve! And that crap all over the table? Why doesn't it file itself? Is that really asking too much? Sheesh.

I was trying to clean and was beginning to get more and more upset, what I was doing was more like throwing things than cleaning. I get this feeling in my chest that is similar to what I think drowning must feel like. So tight and constricted. I'm sure that had I looked in the mirror I would have had seen my hair sticking straight up and my eyes bugging out of my head.

The more I cleaned the more agitated I became, and I think I may have gone completely insane at one point. I cleaned the entire apartment (sans closet), all the while feeling like my chest was being flattened by an incredible weight. There are so many things I want to do and be, but one thing I am NOT is a good homemaker. I try to be, but I forget things, and I get so scared that I'll just screw it all up. I'm scared to throw stuff away because I am afraid I will do it wrong. Seriously, that sounds REALLY stupid in type, but I get panicky. What if I clean house, throw a bunch of stuff away, and find out tomorrow that I needed it? Things are the things that make me want to pull out my hair and run screaming down the street.

Not really on the hair thing, because then I would just be bald AND crazy and Matt would make me change my name to Brittney.
I went into the bedroom and he just gave me a big hug, and as I tried to explain why I felt so suffocated and incapable he just kind of looked at me. He doesn't understand, he wants to, but heck - I don't even really understand sometimes. All I could get out in between my tears was that I suck. He doesn't approve when I say things like that about myself. I just couldn't explain it, you know? I looked up from the bed I was sitting on, and saw the dining room chair that he had pulled over to his desk so he could sit at his computer because, hello, this crap wife never got a chair for her husband because she doesn't like chairs with wheels.

I, I just, I'm so awful Matt I never even got you a chair!! I should have gotten you a chair, even if it had wheels!! I blubbered through my tears.

This is about a chair? You have been really busy, I never got me a chair either you know.

No please, don't make excuses for me! -- Seriously, I think at that point I flopped backwards onto the bed. I AM SO DRAMATIC. Gah.

Without a word he kissed me, got up, cleaned up the mail, then went and organized the closet. I kid you not. The man organized the closet. I just...I don't deserve him.

*Oh, and in case you were worried, I'm fine this morning. It was just one of those nights.


  1. it must have been that kind of weekend because i had a similar meltdown. for the life of me i cannot keep the house clean. my husband said he would try a lot harder to help out & proceeded to iron the clothes that never seem to make it from the dryer to the closet.

    yea for sweet husbands!

  2. You got yourself one of the fantastic husbands. You know this, of course, I'm sure, but I'll just say how lucky you are. You two will make an unbeatable team!

  3. I totally feel your meltdown. Sometimes I feel like I do EVERYTHING around the house and then the next day I'll feel like I don't do ANYTHING. I broke down once b/c I sobbed that I didn't have any FRIENDS. And sometimes I wonder how I can't keep up with our laundry when there's only TWO of us. How horrible am I?!

    Then the next day I'm cool, calm, and don't give a shit about that damn laundry.

    Was it PMS? Or just a random meltdown?

  4. I would LOVE to blame it on PMS, but it was completely random. I was totally fine and happy an hour beforehand.

  5. aww he sounds like such a great guy! i totally have nights like that. its just so suffocating once you realize that everything is out of order - esp with job and stuff and you just take it out on the house bc its not clean enough, and that is one thing you can do. been there, done that, about a million times. i like to blame it on stress. but anywho, you are super lucky to have a man like that! mine is learning how to deal with my 'episodes' slowly but surely. lol

  6. We all have days like that--mine usually come at midnight, or like you, when we get home from a weekend and are totally exhausted but I just go batshit.

    You just have to jump in and do one thing at a time--then it seems less overwhelming and is the only thing that will make you stop feeling like you are choking. Well also Xanax, but that will eventually wear off

    But you know what-he CAN clean the closet you know--he lives there too. He sounds like a great guy and at least he did not fight with you like BS would have me

    It is totally normal to flip out sometimes, sister!

  7. Don't ya just LOVE those days? I have those meltdowns quite freaquently when I come home from a full day's work to see a sink full of dishes and a mountain of dirty clothes and wonder WHY I just can't get it done?? Good thing you have your hubs to "talk you down". :-)

  8. "frequently"

    Honestly, I CAN spell.

  9. Oh sweetie. I feel ya.... in spades. When I didn't get a role I liked in the play I had a complete meltdown and thru my tears told Mr. Cat that I was JUST a housewife, and not a very good one at that.

    He also does not appreciate my verbal self beatings. Your great and deserve great things.... including Matt. Ask him. I'll bet he'll tell you the same.

  10. I have days like that, but it's usually the day before my period or I'm pregnant. I act the same as you, I cry and get stupid - not mean. I hate women who get mean. Mean people suck.

  11. I think housework brings out the best in each of us. Whatever!

    I finally just apologized to the husband for being a crappy housewife. That is not me. I hate it. I am not a domestic goddess. I came to terms with it and so has he. Life is much happier.

  12. We all have days like that! I hate housework - which is why I got married in the first place!! ;-)

  13. Aww you poor little OCD mouse! I know just how you feel! You explained it EXActly! I get that same way! How sweet of your husband to soothe you. To help you out.Give him a extra hug for me. My poor husband has to go through the same thing! He is just as thoughtful, as your hubby!
    Brittney LOL!! That's funny! Of course you deserve him! It's ok to have a break down now and again! I think it makes them feel all warrior like! THe PROTECTOR! he he!!

  14. Hi! Thanks for you comment on my blog, re: my guest post at DomestiGals.
    I wandered over here to check out your blog. And this entry? Yeah Hi, This is ME!! I totally do this once every few months during a cleaning spell. I just lose it, AB thinks I'm nuts-o, and I just can't deal.
    Speaking of, our apartment could REALLY use a good clean right now. I think i'll manage without a meltdown though.


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