Monday, October 20, 2008

That is a Mystery

I have trouble sleeping, I just feel like I need to preface this post with that little fact.

The other night, I found myself bleary-eyed in front of the television at 2:00 AM, watching "The Pick-Up Artist"

Have you seen this? Here is this fellow, Mystery, who promises to take eight losers and turn them into well, a pick-up artist. Oh, look! He even wrote a book!

I just, I cannot imagine. Who goes home with these men? HOW does this work? ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME? They are relying on the alcohol right?

First of all -- his name is Mystery, strike one.

Second -- the dude is wearing GOGGLES on his head. Strike two.

Third -- his wingman, MATADOR is wearing red leather pants. Strike three.

Fourth -- He has a soul-patch. Ew.Also, he is wearing what looks to be roadkill on his head AND his jacket.

He is promising to make them so good at picking up women that one day, oh happy day, they will teach it to their sons. In theory, Mystery can pick up any woman ALIVE. Ha, I would LOVE to see that. Honestly, if he approached me at a bar, I'd think he was a gay pirate of some sort.I have never really understood the concept of picking someone up at bar, but thats a personal preference I guess. I tend to be that girl at the bar that guys just know isn't interested (especially now that there is a big ol' glittery ring on my finger, but even before that as well). I just, I don't know, I never felt that I had to be accomodating to the learing drunk fellow trying spark a conversation whilst staring down my shirt, you know? Crazy huh?

There was one endearing Brit that got a smile out of me when he told me he needed help counting our "crazy American money". Oh dear, go ahead and insult my national currency while establishing that you are unable to count.
One guy called me "his little chicken," I'm still not sure how I feel about that, was he making fun of my legs? Or my hair? What is the worst pick-up line that has been used on you? Or..what is the best? Have any of them worked?! Do tell!!


  1. I have to say, the gay pirate thing might work on me, at least until I realized the guy was straight.

  2. Gah - he doesn't look big enough to pick up a pint of beer, let alone a woman!

    Worst pick up lines: Do you come here often? (I mean, I've never heard that one before - right?) My answer is: Only in the mating season.

    One look in your eyes and I drowned... My answer: good!

    Am I in heaven? My answer: yes, but I'm in hell.

    As you might be able to guess, I no longer spend time in bars... I mainly hang around the coffee machine at work or when picking up the kids...

  3. While I can respect a man who can put on eyeliner better than I'll ever be able to, I'm not sure I could ever have dated them!

  4. Oh - and when I say picking up the kids, I mean fetching my children from day care and school...

  5. Too funny! I mean who in their right mind...... AHHHHgggg.

    Ladyfi has the best of the worst pick up lines, those are great.

    Thank goodness I am over having to deal with all that. I picked up my husband with the line, "hey now that you are here, you can carve the turkey". LOL.

  6. I can't remember any lines that were used but I do remember giving out a lot of fake phone numbers.

  7. Yeah, gay pirate wouldn't get very far with me.

    The worst would have to be when a middle aged guy came up to me when I was probably 19 saying he held some high school football title. Like I was suppose to be impressed! Okay, I live in Texas where HS football is everything. But if that is the highlight of your life and have to use that to pick up a gal, please!

  8. Yeah, I don't think I would be turned on by a gay pirate either. He'd have a hard time picking me up too!!!

    Worst pickup line: Is that a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I can see myself in your pants.

  9. I think you set your alarm to wake up and watch this crap. hee hee.

    The worst pick-up line was a guy walking up to me and my two friends and saying "So... are you guys teachers?" WTF? Was that supposed to impress us?!

  10. Mmm those martinis look delish!!!

  11. Wowee. I don't think that those guys would work on me. I like my men a bit less polished.

  12. I don't understand the pirate either....the black nail polish is puzzling....I guess in his own mind, he's fab!

  13. I have been watching this too---and I was so embarrassed. Which did not keep me from watching it

    I think if you put his wingman in normal clothes, he might be hot. Mystery not so much, especially in that get up--the guyliner does nothing for me

    I guess charisma does not make sense, and maybe it does not convey well on the TV screen?

    His real name is probably Harold

  14. Paige I totally googled him, his real name is something like Erik Von Something...

  15. That guy is a tool. I would never let that bag of douche lay one finger on me, let alone PICK ME UP. Gross.

  16. I can't remember a specific pick up line however I remember one nignt at the bar with some of my girls, I mentioned I was wearing my new perfume and it smelled SO good. This guy (who was friends with one of my friends) leaned over and quickly licked my neck.


    *SHUDDER* I still feel creeped out just thinking of it!

  17. Here's the most creepy thing of all. I've watched this and thought..."My god, I might have fallen for that." Granted, not from a man in eyeliner.
    And BTW-Worst pick-up line ever goes like this:
    Guy: Girl, you stink.
    Me: Charming.
    Guy: Ask me why, ask me why!!
    Me: (rolling my eyes) Why?
    Guy: Cuz you're the shit.


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