Saturday, August 30, 2008
Jaco got lost, but then after several moments of panic we realized he was standing at the front door waiting to be let back inside. Probably should have looked there first...
Went to an amusement park, rode the carousel...I totally stole a ring. Yeah, that's right. I am a REBEL.
My camera battery died. Did I pack the charger? No! Stupid stupid stupid!
How are your weekends going?
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Interestingly Option 5, the Angry Eater, came in second. Lucky for all you angry eater lovers that is my picture on twitter, so you can see me pout about food over there anytime you want!
Thanks for making the difficult decisions for me!!!
Option 3. Me on a boat on our honeymoon. Of course you can't actually see any of that so it's just a small picture of me wearing sunglasses.
Option 4. There are no words. But there is a question -- where is my upper lip? I have big lips, I know this, where did it go?
Option 5. The angry eater. Now...it's not a particularly good picture, my nose looks like I might have been a prize-fighter in my past life. BUT I threw it in the running because it's not like any other picture of me.
Option 6. Feeding my addiction.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Jaco, come on. This is silly. Don't you want to play fetch or something? The squinted eyes are a nice touch though. That's new, who taught you that?
What is it buddy? You are so tired? Here come sit with me.Well gosh, don't expose yourself for the camera!
There that's better!
And look, suddenly he perks up and looks slightly less comatose.
We are hoping that within the next year of his life he will learn to sit on the ground like a normal dog. He says that's not in his contract. We're in negotiations as I type.
But look what happens when he is back in air conditioned doggie-heaven.Told you he was all drama.
Who me? Drama? NOOOOO.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Still, I love them. I love the dear little red birds. The whimsical cages in all different designs make my heart sing. The studio that produces these give you the option to choose what colors you like out of about 24 different colors. I chose red and brown, I have a great deal of red already in the dining room with the painting and the rug, and the brown resonates with my table and chairs. (resonates? who am I kidding here?)
Also if you maybe, accidentally, happen to give them two addresses and they have to e-mail you, they are really, really nice. Not that I would do anything that hare-brained..ha no not me!
So I came to the conclusion that there is no way I can follow up that post with anything other than my usual chit-chat, because this is a personal blog, and while my past issues make up a large part of who I am, they don't define me. Right now, this is what is on my mind...
When I got home last night, this was waiting for me. Oooooh. Aaaaaah.I love getting packages in the mail! I'm fairly certain I hummed "My Favorite Things" while I opened it.
This one was something special I had ordered for our place because my bedroom wall is BORING and looks like this.
I know! It's bad! We rent so I can't paint or you can bet your little booty it would not be plain old eggshell white.
Here is the first glimpse inside my delivery. Do you know what it is yet?
Feel free to ignore the books, they aren't part of it, I just needed something to hold it down with since it came out of the box rolled into a tube.
Here it is in the first step of the application process. I know, I know, it's almost sickeningly sweet. But I like it! And there's nothin' you can say about it! That's totally not true...does this look awful?
Anyway...step 2. (Really this is more like step 6, but I didn't take pictures of the WHOLE process. I am way to scatter-brained for that!
This is all I use my Bank of America credit card for, have I ever mentioned how much I am afraid of credit cards? I am. They scare me. Okay, so you smooth it all down, get all the air bubbles out, then comes the fun part!
Peeling!!! I love peeling things off. Except sun burnt skin. That makes me gag and refuse to look at my shoulders for two weeks.
Here it is. In all its sappy glory.
Here is a better view, we are in the process of shopping for a bookshelf for that wall.
Please feel free to ignore the level and directions on our bed. I'm a perfectionist like that (ha!).
In case you are wondering, I ordered this from here. They have so much more to choose from, I would probably cover every inch of our place in them if I could. What do you guys think? Me? I love it, and since it's my bedroom I guess I get final say, but I need to know what you think. Hear that? NEED to know. (Because I did something similar in my dining room but want your opinions before I show you).
Monday, August 25, 2008
It is the fear of a lot of things. Fear of being overweight, sure, but also fear of being lonely, fear of being judged, fear of never feeling the happiness you see in others.
It started as just a little thought. I wonder if I would feel better if I were thinner? Then it became a nagging thought. We have all felt it at some point of another. I started to feel it at seventeen. My world was slowly deteriorating around me. I had no control over the horrible things that were happening in my family, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, I need something to control. I thought, if I can just lose five pounds, then I’ll be happy. But after the high of the five pound loss comes, the nagging thoughts return.
Hmm … maybe five more pounds, then I’ll be happy! But once again, the happiness faded. The only thing I can think to compare it to is the high shoppers get from a big purchase. A new television, that new purse, those expensive shoes. At first you gush about how much you love them, you feel thrilled to look at them, but soon you are flipping through catalogs and window shopping.
It is an addiction. If you have felt what I have felt then you know that. It is an addiction motivated by fear.
The pounds came off, but the happiness was still just out of reach. The harder I tried the less I was satisfied with what I felt and what I saw. I used to read books about overcoming eating disorders, not to overcome mine, but to glean from them how they lost weight. How sick is that?
For months and years I felt like I was falling just short of the happiness that I so craved. What I didn’t see was the damage I was doing. Not just to my body, which was deteriorating rapidly, but also to my spirit.
Who was this sad girl who refused to do anything outside of her set schedule? What happened to the carefree girl who used to change her mind at the drop of a hat? I could not break from my routine or something bad might happen. If I wasn’t home at 7:00p.m. to eat my bowl of grapes(i.e. dinner), then I might accidentally slip and eat something else and then where would I be? What would happen if I exceeded my limit of 500 calories a day? Who would love me then? Who could love me then?
The breaking point came almost two years later, my joints and stomach were wracked with pain. Every move hurt. I remember exercising while crying from the pain it caused, but there was no way I could stop. Bad things would happen to me if I stopped. My mother finally took it upon herself to set up an appointment with my doctor. I guess I could have said no (I was over 18 by this point), but I hurt so bad. And I hated so much about myself. I still refused to admit that I was anorexic.
I told the doctor that I was just fine, she told me that I was not. Not getting your period because your body refuses to let anything go isn’t healthy, she said. I told her I was just an athlete. Some athlete’s don’t get their periods I said. I cannot believe I actually argued this with my doctor. Ninety-eight pounds is not a healthy weight for a woman that is 5’8” so she said. I still denied that there was anything wrong, because I was afraid of what would happen. Anyone could have looked at my gaunt face and known something was very wrong inside of me.
It has taken me almost five years to get to the point where I can look back on that day and feel grateful. Thank God my mother had the courage to confront me. Thank God my doctor had the knowledge to help me. Thank God he gave me the strength to get through it, because there were a lot of times I didn’t want to try anymore.
I can't say that I am "cured." I think that this is something that I will be susceptible to for the rest of my life. I know that when things start to slip out of my control, the first thing I will try to seize control of will be my eating habits. I think half the battle is won with that knowledge though. I don't know any mystical secret to happiness or fulfillment, but I know that it does not lie in the things we are afraid of.
I have gained over 30 lbs. of my former weight back, and I've kept it on for three years. I'm happier than I ever was at 98 lbs. I still struggle with my reflection, but I can say, without reservation, my body does not define my soul.
Don’t succumb to your fear, whatever it may be. Before you know it, your fear can take over your life. It can drive you to the brink of disaster, and if you are lucky someone will be there to pull you back. I got lucky. I am not proud of the decisions I made, or the horrible things I did to my body, but if telling my story helps keep someone else from succumbing to the fear that way I did, I will tell it gladly.
It is so scary to look at the "publish" button, I have had this in my saved drafts since July. But since this is all about conquering my fears...here goes.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Nothing makes me happier than physical labor. Obviously. No really, if I could I would be a landscaper. I love it, BUT I have a black thumb. No really, I killed a cactus y'all. A cactus. Cutting down a tree that was felled in the storm.
Well hello handsome!
cutest.dog.ever. Would you look at that eye? Oh goodness. It's just too much for me!
Umm.....look. It was 3-D. I probably stood there for about 10 minutes.
And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse!
Now I am off to eat some Chinese and watch Van Damme kick some bootay.
OOOH YEAH! Left for dead. Burning for revenge. That's true poetry.
I just really relate to this movie, you know?
Friday, August 22, 2008
But that is neither here nor there. My point is, I went to a party! A graduation party for my friend Skye to be exact. I wrote about Skye before, if you haven't read it, you should. It will help you get to know her so much better. Seriously, go read it, this will be here when you get back. I promise.
I didn't play because I wear inappropriate shoes. But hey, I looked cute! Overdressed, but cute!
Then Skye lured Sampson away from me with promises of football.
I love the form in this picture. I think that's what they call "the perfect throw." Ahem.
The dog can carry a FOOTBALL in it's MOUTH. Amazes me every time.
That's...appropriate, is it not?
Seriously, this kid is TROUBLE.
I think he is their neighbor..I'm not really sure who he is.
Do you see that dimple? That dimple makes me want to have a kid just like him, but then I remember that my kids will most likely look like this.
And suddenly that urge is gone.