So Far...

I have shut my husbands hand in the car door, his pinkie nail is black...I'm a bad wife.

Jaco got lost, but then after several moments of panic we realized he was standing at the front door waiting to be let back inside. Probably should have looked there first...

Went to an amusement park, rode the carousel...I totally stole a ring. Yeah, that's right. I am a REBEL.

My camera battery died. Did I pack the charger? No! Stupid stupid stupid!


How are your weekends going?

I Married a Hooker?

Tuesday and Wednesday evenings I play college kid and have a three hour class. Due to the fact that it's a night class, I am usually in the company of other non-traditional students, older folks. Not OLD old, not geriatric old(although I would probably prefer that...they have great stories...and the people in my class are weird, as you are about to find out) but older than average.

So Wednesday night rolls around last week, I head off to the first class of the semester and find that I am partnered with a 40ish woman named Sharon for an ice-breaker activity. This is good, I think. Because if I have to hear one more story about how HOT the guys from Tau Kappa Epsilon are from a hungover sorostitute I might vomit.

Sharon and I get down to business, learning facts about each other. Sharon is a sophomore, Sharon has a husband and two kids, Sharon has a dog, Sharon is from Louisiana, you get the general idea here. We then introduce each other to the entire classroom. I hate hate HATE being the center of attention like that. I know it's hard to believe from the way I spill my guts on here, but really, I'm pretty shy.

So I go first and introduce Sharon to the classroom. All goes well and it's Sharon's turn. How hard can it be right? She gets to the part about me having a husband and says...

Since apparently you can buy them these days with a little sneer. Then sits down like 'mission accomplished, I've done my intro!' and leans back in her chair.

Um....come again? What did I do to you in the 10 minutes we have been partnered? Did you just insult me, my husband, or both of us? What is being implied here?

1. I had to pay someone to marry me.

2. My husband was desperate.

3. I married the male version of "Pretty Woman"

I was embarrassed and tried to laugh it off, but I'm pretty sure the entire class was just as confused, including the poor adjunct professor that immediately started shuffling papers in an attempt to break the awkward silence that ensued.

So I turn to you, who know me even better than Sharon did, what does this mean?

Picture Results

Well the results are in, you (overwhelmingly) chose option 1! Thanks guys!

Interestingly Option 5, the Angry Eater, came in second. Lucky for all you angry eater lovers that is my picture on twitter, so you can see me pout about food over there anytime you want!

Thanks for making the difficult decisions for me!!!

Photo of the Day

Big Changes Here at Country Mouse

That is a blatant lie. Just to clear that up. But really...one change...I think I want to change my picture in my profile. If you will look to your right you will see that I already did. It used to be the book, until Matt pointed out something about copyright shmopyright stuff. I don't think Jan Brett would really care that I have her book up since it's not like I am profiting in any way, but really, it's time for a change.

That's where you come in. Also, I promise to never splash this many picture of my poofy-haired self on this blog again, until of course the next time I find myself incapable of making a decision.

Option 1. Rachael took this of me, I look pensive and thoughtful. We all know I'm really not, but I like the picture! I put it up on my own, but now I am having second thoughts.

Option 2. My cousin James took this one, I think my hair is a little too beehive-esque don't you? Also, would you get a load of the chipmunk cheeks?

Option 3. Me on a boat on our honeymoon. Of course you can't actually see any of that so it's just a small picture of me wearing sunglasses.

Option 4. There are no words. But there is a question -- where is my upper lip? I have big lips, I know this, where did it go?

Option 5. The angry eater. Now...it's not a particularly good picture, my nose looks like I might have been a prize-fighter in my past life. BUT I threw it in the running because it's not like any other picture of me.

Option 6. Feeding my addiction.

Option 7. The picture that sums up my marriage. I kid, I kid, not really. I'm hesitant to put a multiple person picture up, because when I come across someone with several people in their picture I wonder which one they are. That might just be my issue.

Option 8. Again the multiple people issue, also this isn't my kid. I wouldn't want people to come here and think "ooo look at the adorable baby, why doesn't this self-centered brat ever blog about her kid?" If I had a kid that cute, or even a not-cute kid (cause admit it, they exist!) I would probably talk about them A LOT.

Option 9. The outfit all you wonderful people helped me have the courage to wear.

Option 10. Shut up Rebekah.

Photo of the Day

About a month ago we saw this duck while walking through the pet store, we thought it would be adorable to see him running around with a duck and just had to get it.The thing quacks people. And go figure, his favorite time to play with it? About 2:00 AM. That's when the duck gets confiscated.

First Day of School

Matt started junior high school today.

I'm so proud.

All in a Hard Day's Work

Matt and I took Jaco to the park recently. Let me tell you, my dog is a drama queen.

Oh look, here he comes now.

Is he really yawning?

Oh come on. Seriously? You are six feet away from me. I think you'll make it.

Jaco, come on. This is silly. Don't you want to play fetch or something? The squinted eyes are a nice touch though. That's new, who taught you that?
What is it buddy? You are so tired? Here come sit with me.Well gosh, don't expose yourself for the camera!
There that's better!

And look, suddenly he perks up and looks slightly less comatose.

We are hoping that within the next year of his life he will learn to sit on the ground like a normal dog. He says that's not in his contract. We're in negotiations as I type.

But look what happens when he is back in air conditioned doggie-heaven.

Told you he was all drama.

Who me? Drama? NOOOOO.

Photo of the Day

Delivery Cont'd.

Okay, so you all liked the "I do love you" words in my bedroom. Now how are we feeling about this?

Please ignore my dog. When he sees me get my camera he thinks he is getting a treat and abandons his rawhide(which you can also see under the table). Also, please ignore the hideous light fixture. I'm not allowed to change it, otherwise it would be long gone.

In retrospect, I probably would have put them closer together. But I thought that the cages would then be touching.

Still, I love them. I love the dear little red birds. The whimsical cages in all different designs make my heart sing. The studio that produces these give you the option to choose what colors you like out of about 24 different colors. I chose red and brown, I have a great deal of red already in the dining room with the painting and the rug, and the brown resonates with my table and chairs. (resonates? who am I kidding here?)

Also if you maybe, accidentally, happen to give them two addresses and they have to e-mail you, they are really, really nice. Not that I would do anything that hare-brained..ha no not me!

Delivery!

I thought long and hard about how to follow up yesterdays accidental post. As I said before I was afraid to publish that, it's a hard thing to just put out there. I'm so glad Blogger took it upon itself to publish for me. Your responses touched my heart in ways you will never know. I really thought you all would take one look at that post and run the other way. There is just no way for me to even express how much all of your words mean to me. Some of you shared your stories, some of you shared your support, all of your comments are precious to me.

So I came to the conclusion that there is no way I can follow up that post with anything other than my usual chit-chat, because this is a personal blog, and while my past issues make up a large part of who I am, they don't define me. Right now, this is what is on my mind...

When I got home last night, this was waiting for me. Oooooh. Aaaaaah.I love getting packages in the mail! I'm fairly certain I hummed "My Favorite Things" while I opened it.

This one was something special I had ordered for our place because my bedroom wall is BORING and looks like this.

I know! It's bad! We rent so I can't paint or you can bet your little booty it would not be plain old eggshell white.

Here is the first glimpse inside my delivery. Do you know what it is yet?
Feel free to ignore the books, they aren't part of it, I just needed something to hold it down with since it came out of the box rolled into a tube.
Here it is in the first step of the application process. I know, I know, it's almost sickeningly sweet. But I like it! And there's nothin' you can say about it! That's totally not true...does this look awful?

Anyway...step 2. (Really this is more like step 6, but I didn't take pictures of the WHOLE process. I am way to scatter-brained for that!
This is all I use my Bank of America credit card for, have I ever mentioned how much I am afraid of credit cards? I am. They scare me. Okay, so you smooth it all down, get all the air bubbles out, then comes the fun part!

Peeling!!! I love peeling things off. Except sun burnt skin. That makes me gag and refuse to look at my shoulders for two weeks.

Here it is. In all its sappy glory.
Here is a better view, we are in the process of shopping for a bookshelf for that wall.

Please feel free to ignore the level and directions on our bed. I'm a perfectionist like that (ha!).

In case you are wondering, I ordered this from here. They have so much more to choose from, I would probably cover every inch of our place in them if I could. What do you guys think? Me? I love it, and since it's my bedroom I guess I get final say, but I need to know what you think. Hear that? NEED to know. (Because I did something similar in my dining room but want your opinions before I show you).

Photo of the Day

Matt took this picture Saturday at the farm, he later asked if I thought maybe, possibly, it could, you know, be a photo of the day on here, if I wanted. I was stunned. It's a good picture, but I was more shocked that he wanted it to be on here. So without further ado... Matt's butterfly.

Conquering My Fear

I once heard someone say that they envied the will power of the anorexic. I wish someone would have told them that it is not will power that motivates the anorexic. It is fear.


It is the fear of a lot of things. Fear of being overweight, sure, but also fear of being lonely, fear of being judged, fear of never feeling the happiness you see in others.


It started as just a little thought. I wonder if I would feel better if I were thinner? Then it became a nagging thought. We have all felt it at some point of another. I started to feel it at seventeen. My world was slowly deteriorating around me. I had no control over the horrible things that were happening in my family, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, I need something to control. I thought, if I can just lose five pounds, then I’ll be happy. But after the high of the five pound loss comes, the nagging thoughts return.

Hmm … maybe five more pounds, then I’ll be happy! But once again, the happiness faded. The only thing I can think to compare it to is the high shoppers get from a big purchase. A new television, that new purse, those expensive shoes. At first you gush about how much you love them, you feel thrilled to look at them, but soon you are flipping through catalogs and window shopping.


It is an addiction. If you have felt what I have felt then you know that. It is an addiction motivated by fear.


The pounds came off, but the happiness was still just out of reach. The harder I tried the less I was satisfied with what I felt and what I saw. I used to read books about overcoming eating disorders, not to overcome mine, but to glean from them how they lost weight. How sick is that?



For months and years I felt like I was falling just short of the happiness that I so craved. What I didn’t see was the damage I was doing. Not just to my body, which was deteriorating rapidly, but also to my spirit.


Who was this sad girl who refused to do anything outside of her set schedule? What happened to the carefree girl who used to change her mind at the drop of a hat? I could not break from my routine or something bad might happen. If I wasn’t home at 7:00p.m. to eat my bowl of grapes(i.e. dinner), then I might accidentally slip and eat something else and then where would I be? What would happen if I exceeded my limit of 500 calories a day? Who would love me then? Who could love me then?


The breaking point came almost two years later, my joints and stomach were wracked with pain. Every move hurt. I remember exercising while crying from the pain it caused, but there was no way I could stop. Bad things would happen to me if I stopped. My mother finally took it upon herself to set up an appointment with my doctor. I guess I could have said no (I was over 18 by this point), but I hurt so bad. And I hated so much about myself. I still refused to admit that I was anorexic.


I told the doctor that I was just fine, she told me that I was not. Not getting your period because your body refuses to let anything go isn’t healthy, she said. I told her I was just an athlete. Some athlete’s don’t get their periods I said. I cannot believe I actually argued this with my doctor. Ninety-eight pounds is not a healthy weight for a woman that is 5’8” so she said. I still denied that there was anything wrong, because I was afraid of what would happen. Anyone could have looked at my gaunt face and known something was very wrong inside of me.


It has taken me almost five years to get to the point where I can look back on that day and feel grateful. Thank God my mother had the courage to confront me. Thank God my doctor had the knowledge to help me. Thank God he gave me the strength to get through it, because there were a lot of times I didn’t want to try anymore.


I can't say that I am "cured." I think that this is something that I will be susceptible to for the rest of my life. I know that when things start to slip out of my control, the first thing I will try to seize control of will be my eating habits. I think half the battle is won with that knowledge though. I don't know any mystical secret to happiness or fulfillment, but I know that it does not lie in the things we are afraid of.


I have gained over 30 lbs. of my former weight back, and I've kept it on for three years. I'm happier than I ever was at 98 lbs. I still struggle with my reflection, but I can say, without reservation, my body does not define my soul.


Don’t succumb to your fear, whatever it may be. Before you know it, your fear can take over your life. It can drive you to the brink of disaster, and if you are lucky someone will be there to pull you back. I got lucky. I am not proud of the decisions I made, or the horrible things I did to my body, but if telling my story helps keep someone else from succumbing to the fear that way I did, I will tell it gladly.


It is so scary to look at the "publish" button, I have had this in my saved drafts since July. But since this is all about conquering my fears...here goes.

Some People Have all the Luck

So...a friend of mine mentioned in passing this morning that her boyfriend is taking her to a concert with "some oldies" on thursday. I asked what bands she would be seeing.

HEART.

JOURNEY.

CHEAP TRICK.

Some Oldies? Are you freakin' kidding me? Cheap Trick? Journey? Heart??? HEART? Hello! Heart was the first band to make me cry to a rock song. Heart taught this cold country mouse to feel.

I would croon Alone at the top of my lungs in my car while I drove several hours to visit Matt while we were dating. Heart. completes. me.

I hear the ticking of the clock

I'm lying here the room's pitch dark

I'm wondering where you are tonight

No answer on the telephone

And the night goes by so very SLOW

Oh I hope that it wont end though

Alone

TILL NOW, I ALWAYS GOT BY ON MY OWN

I NEVER REALLY CARED UNTIL I MET YOU!

Seriously I might break out and sing it right now. I'm so jealous I think I have a greenish tinge.

She doesn't even know who they are. Oh my word. In all honesty, I hope she has a blast and calls me so I can live vicariously through her...also, I want to steal her identity for the night and go as her.

I'll be watching this for the rest of the week.

**Sniffle** Next time ladies, I WILL be there.

Back to your regularly scheduled blogging below.

Photo of the Day

The Weekend in Pictures

We headed back to the farm to do a little work.

Nothing makes me happier than physical labor. Obviously. No really, if I could I would be a landscaper. I love it, BUT I have a black thumb. No really, I killed a cactus y'all. A cactus. Cutting down a tree that was felled in the storm.
Well hello handsome!
cutest.dog.ever. Would you look at that eye? Oh goodness. It's just too much for me!

Umm.....look. It was 3-D. I probably stood there for about 10 minutes.
And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse!

Now I am off to eat some Chinese and watch Van Damme kick some bootay.
OOOH YEAH! Left for dead. Burning for revenge. That's true poetry.

I just really relate to this movie, you know?

Blogroll

Hey, so...I just notice I have like 4 people in my blogroll. I should update that. Drop me a comment if you would like to be added or shoot me an email...whateva.

Fiesta, Fiesta, Ole!

My husband would be appalled by my use to Spanish there. But really, my Spanish makes him grimace pretty much every time I use it. He tries to help me and teach me the correct pronunciations, but I'm all, Oh no you didn't! Just 'cause you are some fancy shmancy Spanish teacher doesn't make you the boss of ME! If I wanna say whol-a I'm gonna say whol-a and there's nothin' you can do about it! (You have to imagine the amount of head bobbing that's going on as I say that, trust me, I have a lot of head bobbing attitude)

But that is neither here nor there. My point is, I went to a party! A graduation party for my friend Skye to be exact. I wrote about Skye before, if you haven't read it, you should. It will help you get to know her so much better. Seriously, go read it, this will be here when you get back. I promise.

Skye is now (also) a teacher. I am surrounded by teachers, I have no idea why I didn't pursue education. Not because I want to mold and shape the minds of our youth (how scary is that?) but because they get the summers off. AND THEY STILL GET PAID! Did you know this? I didn't know that until I started dating Matt. Again -- I digress.

So - Skye graduated, got a grown up job, and moved back from South Carolina. So her parents had a little party for her a week ago. It was very nice, I ate a pickle wrapped in ham. I really expected more of a taste sensation from that by they way. It's kind of a let down, it just tastes like a pickle...with a slight hint of ham.

At the party, they played volleyball.

I didn't play because I wear inappropriate shoes. But hey, I looked cute! Overdressed, but cute!

I hung out with Sampson instead.

Then Skye lured Sampson away from me with promises of football.
I love the form in this picture. I think that's what they call "the perfect throw." Ahem.
The dog can carry a FOOTBALL in it's MOUTH. Amazes me every time.

That's...appropriate, is it not?

Then we played Apples to Apples with this kid.

Seriously, this kid is TROUBLE.
I think he is their neighbor..I'm not really sure who he is.

Do you see that dimple? That dimple makes me want to have a kid just like him, but then I remember that my kids will most likely look like this.
And suddenly that urge is gone.