Sunday, June 27, 2010

The View

When we moved in to our old house, I thought I would never get a better view.  After all, not all houses actually look out on the water, and since we live in a land locked state with no intention of moving, a creek was pretty much the best waterfront property we could hope for. 

Although I am happy to finally be out from under the weight of that house, the uncertainty of our next step, and the burden of stress we carried for so long, as we packed up the old house, I couldn't help but look out on the creek and feel a little sad.  I knew that my dreams of showing Jack the ducklings in his back yard would not come true, I knew I would never see my husband and son fishing together from our creek bank, and I knew that this summer would not be marked by the dogs swimming in the muddy water. 

I couldn't help but miss the view. 

Until Saturday, when I looked out of the front window of our new town home, and saw the best view I have ever seen.

It may not be waterfront, but it is ours.


Friday, June 25, 2010

Surfacing From the Boxes!

The move is going great, we are happily sitting on boxes and musing about the walls.  What should go where and who should hang what, you know the drill. 

The only room that is finished is Jack's room.  And by finished I mean the furniture is in place.  The guest room is getting close, there is a bed in there at least.  With clean sheets.  Our room?  Well, not so much, but we have gotten used to living in a basement for the last four months, so pretty much anywhere with windows is a bit of a luxury at this point, even if the mattress is still on the floor at this point.

Speaking of luxury, in a rare fit of indulgence, Matt and I went out and made a pretty big splurge.   Since getting married two years ago, we have had hand-me-down beds.  Not that it has been a problem, we have always liked our bed, but it is a full sized bed, and when you are six feet two inches tall (Matt...not me!) and your wife is a whirling helicopter of elbows throughout the night, you start to feel a little cramped.  Poor guy.  We found a good deal and bought ourselves a new bed, new mattress, AND new furniture for the bedroom.  We felt that we needed a little retreat, where we could snuggle and be exactly what we are - a young married couple. 

But here is the problem, I have looked at comforter after quilt after duvet after sheet set, and I CANNOT figure out how to decorate this room!!  Our new furniture won't be here until July, which is actually a blessing because if I had to buy our bedding right now I would end up with something I most likely regret in a week. 

Here is the stock photo of the bed we settled on, Matt has loved sleigh beds for as long as I have known him.

How would YOU decorate?  What colors do you see in your mind's eye?  I thought greys at one point, but then I thought blues.  I like the idea of whites but we cant paint here, so the white walls and white bedding might be a bit...blah.  I like the orangey color in the photo, but it feels very autumnal to me.  Matt dislikes anything purple or anything too 'girly', but I'm not usually a fan of stripes...

See?  Flummoxed!

Help! Point me in the direction you think would work well here, PLEASE!

Monday, June 21, 2010

It's Here...

Can you feel it? The anticipation is finally over, it is officially here. 

Matt is home for two and a half months, and aside from a few weeks on a contracting job, we will have day after golden day to spend together.  Quiet mornings of coffee on the deck while our little one bounces in his exersaucer.  Sweaty afternoons full of fetch at the park with the dog.  Long evenings of together time after the baby goes to sleep.
The sounds of laughter and children playing waft gently though the windows into our new sunny bedroom as my little one naps peacefully beside me.  Popsicles run down sticky chins, the smell of barbecued chicken permeates the air, little feet kick and splash in the pool.  Oh yes, it is here...

Summer.  Savor it, it goes too quickly.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

November 6, 2009

I slowly woke in my hospital bed to the sound of my husbands voice, a low, tender whisper, a tone he had never used with any single human 'til that day.  I drifted in and out of sleep, but as I clung to consciousness, I focused my eyes across the room.

He held our swaddled baby up close to his whiskered face, and he whispered to him about all the dreams he had for him.  "I'll buy you your own rod, and I'll teach you to fish.  I'll show you how to play the guitar. We will speak Spanish together.  I'll teach you to change your oil.  I will teach you to play catch, and we will play football together while Mommy watches. We'll go camping, and hiking, and we'll make 'smores over the fire."
I knew a long time before we married that Matt was a special man, but on that day, watching him hold our son, I realized just what a treasure I have in him.   There are some things you can know before you marry, you know the limit of their patience with you, you know it makes them angry when you mutter under your breath, but what you don't know, what you can never know, is what kind of a parent they will be.

I hit the jackpot.  Matt is not perfect, he makes mistakes.  But he tries, he tries so hard.  And he loves so much.  He is such a good Daddy, and now that Jack is starting to become a little boy, his innate father-ness shines through.  He amazes me.  There are days when, by the time Matt comes home, I all but run out the door.  But just before I am about to lose it, I inevitably peek back in the room, and there is my husband teaching our baby boy to blow raspberries, and all I want to do is come back in and watch them be father and son.  He makes me a better mother, I didn't expect that...and I am oh-so-grateful.

Happy FIRST Father's Day Matthew!! I am so proud of you!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Well Hello There!

I've been MIA since I gave you the news about our decision, and I apologize.  I just needed a little break.  But now, I'm back.  From Outer Space.  I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face. I should have changed that stupid lock.  I should have made you leave the key, if I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me!

SORRY.  I get carried away sometimes.  But I am back! And I have news!  Good News!

We are moving...FRIDAY.  As in...the day after tomorrow.  It's a townhouse, and it's a rental...but you know what?  I am so happy about it.  It is so nice to know that on Friday night, we will put my son to bed in his own room, and we will go cuddle in our own that isn't right next to the water heater.  We are a two minute walk to a great park, and we are a six minute drive from my older sister. 

Clearly, this is not the route we expected to be taking back in March when this whole ordeal started with a simple act up pulling up linoleum, but this IS what happened.  This IS reality. 

And I WILL be happy about it. 

IN OTHER NEWS:  We officially have a crawler.  Also...Matt has a GOATEE!  At first...I laughed, but you know what? I think I like it!

Actually? I REALLY like it...he looks HOT!

So...I think that about covers the last week.  Townhouse, crawling, goatee.  Yep! That's about it!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


That last post is getting me down and I don't want it to be the first thing you see on this site.  So...instead...
Here is my smiley boy at the Reading Airshow!  Note the two bottom teeth! Also note that he  is not paying attention to Daddy pointing out the airplanes in order to mug for the camera! 

He does NOT get that from me!

Good Timing

About an hour after I wrote that last post, we recieved the email from our lawyer.  Details aside, it's not really good.  In fact, it's pretty bad.  There are things we could do, and there are some facts we could dispute...basically justa lot of gray areas that would be hard to fight from a legal standpoint. 

We think that for the sake of our family, and our marriage, that it's time to lay down our weapons and finally start moving forward.  It won't be easy and I will try not to cry about it on here too much, but...we won't be able to move back in to our home, ever.  Sorry, no, our HOUSE.  We will make a new home, somewhere. Dont be surprised if I stop writing about it altogether for a while...I see no point in dwelling on all the little details, you probably don't want to know them anyway.

The bottom line is that we can't really affford to fight a battle we would possibly(probably) lose, and we can't affgord to fix a house that we would never feel comfortable taking our child back into.  Even if we had the money for the total cost f the repairs (which we don't) neither of us want Jack back in there. 

This hurts.  A lot.  But in a way it is the first time in three months that we have any direction.  We may not like where we are, but we aren't in limbo anymore. 

Feek free to ask any questions you have, I'll try to answer them to the best of my ability.  I know some of you wanted us to fight this, but even our lawyer is telling us that it would probably come down to a legal jugdement that could go either way...and that wouldn't happen for a long time.  It's already been three months, we can't do this anymore.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Hijinks Ensue

You know how most sitcoms take an everyday situation and throw every wrench into it they can think of, to the point that at the end you aren't even sure what happened?  Some days I feel like that is my life. 

FOR INSTANCE, this whole house thing.  Here is the latest update.  Try to keep up, its complicated, if you have questions...don't ask me...I probably don't know either!

Their lawyer sent our lawyer a letter with a settlement amount.  Our lawyer sent their lawyer a letter in response with a deadline of two Fridays ago.  That Friday our lawyer received a phone call saying they received the letter, and were forwarding it to their client. The next Thursday our lawyer received a fax telling him that he would be receiving a letter, the next day we received a phone call telling us we would be receiving an email... and we never got an email.

So here we sit...3 letters, 2 faxes, no email, countless phone calls, several hundred dollars in attorneys fees later...and no progress.

Okay guys, where are the hidden cameras?!  Am I on TV?  I totally should have done my hair today!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Sleep Training Lessons

Alternate title: Hell on Earth. 
This picture is two months old...but it is the last picture I have of him sleeping on his own...that should give you a little hint as to how well our sleep habits are.)

Jack is not a good sleeper, and I will be the first to say that that is mostly (almost completely) MY fault.  I spent the first few months of Jack's life neurotically poking him in his sleep to make sure he was breathing.  That sounds funny, I know, but seriously...I poked my baby...a lot.

Lesson One: Don't poke your baby.  Poking helps no one.

At four months we transitioned him to his crib, and by that I mean we tried it once, and it he cried, so I held him on the couch.  

Lesson Two: Don't hold your baby on the couch overnight.  It may be easier, but it's not safe and it's not smart.

At four and half months we had to move to my mom's house, so he and I shared a futon.

Lesson Three:  Futons are uncomfortable.

Now, at seven months, he can't sleep anywhere but in my arms.  You can imagine how conducive that is to marriage.  As if living in your parents basement wasn't a big enough deterrent to romance, holding a baby will pretty much guarantee little to no umm...intimacy. (I feel a little weird writing about sex here since I never do, but come on, we are married...we didn't get pregnant from holding hands...oh...and...umm...Hi DAD. Awkward.)  When intimacy suffers, you start acting's true.  You get annoyed with their habits, they breathe too loud, they hold the remote control wrong, and MY GOSH you're hair is too pointy (No really, at one point or another I have irrationally rolled my eyes at all of the above).

Lesson Four: Sex is important to marriage.

I knew that I was the one holding all three of us back in many different ways, so we got the crib from our house, cleaned the mattress thoroughly, and June 1st marked the beginning of what I like to call purgatory.

However, last night was also the first night in a long time that I spent cuddled with my husband.  Sure, it was because I was crying because Jack was crying, but it's a start.

Lesson Five: We can do this...I think.

We are getting there, I'll let you know when we do.  Until then, does anyone want to come over here and explain to Jack that sleep is actually a good thing?

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Gettysburg Battlefield

It is easy for me to forget that most people do not live within a hour's drive of the battlefield of what is arguably one of the most important moments in our nation's history.  I forget that most of you didn't take a class field trip there every year, that you have never climbed the boulders of Devil's Den to eat your lunch in the same place that snipers once hid, looked out over the Peach Orchard where General Sickles lost his leg, or hiked to the peak of Little Round Top, the hill famous for a bloody bayonet charge. 

You haven't seen the field where Pickett made his ill-fated charge, or the fence that over half of those soldiers died trying to reach.  You've never seen the canon rounds still embedded in the outer walls of the historic homes, or watched a re-enactment of brother killing brother.  In just three days the bodies of over 50,000 men marred the bucolic fields of Gettysburg. 

You would never know it just driving though, the waving fields of grass belie the bloody history of  this place. The cheerful swags of the American flag help us remember the great victory the North had here, but more importantly they remind us of the great sacrifice from both sides. 

It would be easier to walk through the National Cemetery if there were a 'bad guy' in this war.  This time, the 'bad guy' was us, and although we can clearly see which ideals we would adhere to, it's hard to deny the tragedy of a nation at war with itself.    

I can't give you a brief. light-hearted summary of Gettysburg Battlefield.  The feeling there is hard to explain, it's heavy, hallowed even.  I can only urge you to visit, if not here, then another battlefield.

Pay homage to the men who fought and died making this country what it is today, learn from the mistakes we made, feel the magnitude of the price we paid. 

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