Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Chief Rotten Teeth

A few weeks ago I relunctantly dropped my son off at my sister's house, and drove sullenly to the One Place I Hate Above All Others.  I got out of my car, and trudged slowly through the door into...

...The Dentist's Office. 

I can't really articulate to you how much I detest going to the dentist.  It's so invasive and weird.  I'd rather go to the gynecologist.  Really.

Add that to the fact that a few years ago I didn't have insurance, so I COULDN'T go, and it has been around three years since my last visit.  At least.  PLUS I have weak enamel and mild TMJ.  It was an all around GOOD TIME.

With the arrival of Jack's teeth (he is now up to four!) I started thinking about when to start brushing with him.  I want him to learn healthy teeth habits, and I knew that that would start with me.  So, with only a LITTLE prodding from my husband, I went.  My old dentist had retired, so this guy was all new to me, but as far as dentists go...I guess he's pretty awesome.

SOMEHOW my old dentist had managed to miss the fact that I must grind my teeth something fierce when I am asleep.  Dude took one look in my mouth and was all "You have the teeth of a fifty year old!".

Everytime I replay that scene in my head all I can picture is that in 400 years there will be some display in a futuristic museum featuring my skull and a label that says "From the wear on this human's teeth we can see that she was at least one hundred and fifty years old when she died.  Also, she ate a lot of jellybeans and was socially awkward."

Horrifying.  Just horrifying.

And as if that weren't bad enough, I have to be fitted with a NightGuard.  SEXY. 

I mean...that's just plain hot.

With the help of the NightGuard, Jack might just be an only child. I wonder if they come in purple glitter like the retainer my friend Nikki had in Jr. High?


  1. Hysterical post! If this is what your skull will look like 400 years from now, I think jelly beans and grinding are the least of your may be the missing link. That's the skull of a primate, not a human :)
    You made this dental guru's day :)

  2. Thanks for the Wednesday morning laugh! Your sense of humor is so lovely... I can see that it helps you look at the bright side!

  3. I HATE the dentist. Hate, hate, hate.

    And p.s. I also have a night guard. Blech.

  4. Too funny! I'm sure you're rockin' the sexy mouthguard!

  5. Laughin' out loud here!!!! :)


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