Friday, September 24, 2010

Hourglass

On Thursday Jack took four tottering, deliberate steps from my arms to my sisters arms.  That night I nursed him and sang his bedtime song and just cried.  He is still a baby, but seeing his little body move hesitantly away from the security of my arms was just so...big.

I question constantly if I am doing it right, savoring his smiles enough, the smell of his hair, the drooly open mouthed kisses, the feel of his chubby hands on my neck, the way he looks up at me while he nurses, the giggles reserved solely for Daddy -- it's all so daily that I sometimes take it for granted.  Then bam...he walks.  I want to beg the hourglass to slow down, to give us a few more days in a week, more months in a year, just another handful of sand, please? 

I chant  "Go, Jack, go!" as he learns to get his feet under control, but part of me wants to cry, to take him in my arms and keep him my dependent little baby.  I proudly show off his new standing skills, all the while wondering who took my squawking pink infant and replaced him with this little person who can demand a cracker? (cacka!) This first year has been slipping away.
Grain by grain, I'm losing time.

14 comments:

  1. It's such a bittersweet thing, watching them grow up...and walk away. I cried the first time Jackson walked too--it's just going too fast!

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  2. Aww... I can't imagine how hard and gratifying it would be to watch a little being grow up.

    Just think of all the new memories you are making!

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  3. But gaining memories and moments! He is and will always be your baby! Ask Mom!

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  4. And you are doing a wonderful job!

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  5. I definitely feel these same emotions: the big milestones can really trigger nostalgia for the current moment in time, huh?!

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  6. And yet we wouldn't have it any other way, would we? We want to see them develop and surpass milestones. Such a dilemma. You're doing wonderful mama.

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  7. Oh my..you are not losing time..you are gaining joy! and love! and happiness! and doing the most important work on earth...raising a little one to be a good and kind person....there is nothing better!

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  8. I feel this way so much lately. Jackson is pulling himself up on everything. He wants so much to be independent and do it all himself. I just want him to be my baby.

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  9. I totally agree. As much as I want him to grow up and be a big boy- I don't want to lose the baby-ness of him either.

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  10. Beautifully put dear Bekah! Another wonderful moment you'll never forget! You're doing great!! xoxo, Oukie

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  11. Like someone else said, it is bittersweet. You LOVE to watch your baby grow and thrive and learn but at the same time? Where have our babies gone? I can't believe how independent my little man Hunter is becoming. Granted he still loves his MOmmy and cuddles with me and I just can't stop from kissing him repeatedly and sniffing his sweet little head and reminding myself that these days will NOT last forever so I need to cherish each and every one.

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  12. It really does go by so fast. My Little will be two in 5 short months... :( But it is exciting to see them learn and grow as well.

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  13. Very enlightening and beneficial to someone whose been out of the circuit for a long time.

    - Kris

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