Yesterday was rough, really rough. It was the perfect storm of a cold, teething, a previous sleepless night, and monthly hormones. Jack spent the morning clinging to my leg with his lower jaw stuck out in a near constant whine, and I spent it in a pool of self-doubt and self pity.
Eventually we went to the park, and I would really like to say that I turned my attitude around and had a great time, but in all honesty that is not what happened. Sure there were parts of the day that were fine, some that were even great, but in the back of my mind I kept hearing my inner fourteen year old muttering 'ugh, can today just be over already?'
Seven o'clock rolled around, Jack went to bed without a peep, and I flopped dramatically on the couch. As I vegged there and thought about the day, I suddenly felt a sense of loss. I realized that there is a limited period of time when I can change the course of my child's day. Right now, I am the center of his day. I make the schedule and like it or not, I set the attitude.
And yesterday? Mine sucked. I spent the day blaming it on Jack, but I didn't try very hard to get past his teething fussiness. I didn't focus on how funny he looked in the hat I got for him the day before, I didn't focus on the way he walked like Frankenstein's monster as he followed me around the room. I saw those things, but if you had called me up and asked how the day went, I would have immediately launched into an explanation of why it was such a bad day.
All I can do is learn from yesterday. I know more days will come that will drive me to my limit, that there is more to come in the crabbiness department, but I want to remember that I can only determine the course of the day for so long. I won't get a do-over.