Thursday, November 18, 2010

My Village

You know that oft quoted saying 'It takes a village to raise a child'? Well, not only do I think that is very true, but I think it can be taken a step farther to say 'It takes a village to raise a mother'.  And you guys? You are a big part of my 'village'. 

After I published my last post, I immediately felt doubt.  I contemplated just deleting it, because I felt like I was such an anomaly for feeling this way, that other people don't feel like this.  I quickly shut my laptop, because I honestly just felt like if I deleted it, that was letting my feelings take control again, and publishing it was kind of my way of giving anxiety the ol' middle finger. 

About 15 minutes later I folded, I was going to delete it before any 'damage' was done, before you found out I was flawed. I logged in, and you, my village, had already stepped up big time.  I had no idea so many of you would share your stories with me.  I received comments, emails, Facebook messages...and I feel so much better.

Not necessarily anxiety-wise, that is definitely still here.  I mean I feel like I took a step in the right direction there, but I feel like I am not so alone.  I'm still weird, sure, but I've got you, my village.  I have been incredibly blessed with a wonderful real-life support base of women who teach me and share with me, and I feel like I have been doubly blessed to have so many women that I have never even met who are willing to share their stories and their advice with me.

Matt and I are still looking into counseling options through his employer, and are also looking into options through our church (which, duh, somehow I didn't even think of until Flamingo Mama mentioned it).
We decided to hold off on the medication, at least for now.  Years ago, I used to look at medication as a crutch, but then I got to thinking and really, what is a crutch for?  To help you walk until you are healthy enough to do it on your own.  Right now, I feel that, with a some guidance, I can walk on my own.  If I find that I can't, then I will explore that option further. 

I guess this is my way of trying to say thank you for something I really can't even express, and one week from today, when we gather around the table to gorge ourselves on turkey and stuffing, you better believe I will be saying a prayer of thanks this village.


  1. This might be kind of off the wall, but have you had your thyroid checked? A good friend of mine suffered extreme anxiety about her family (just like you described) and for the longest time thought it was PPD, but she finally got a doctor to check her thyroid and found out she was extreeemly hyperthyroid. My Mom spent the better part of her young adult years plagued by it, not knowing what it was. Might be worth checking into!

    Isn't it so great to have a support system of people you've never even met before? I'm glad you shared!

  2. My Precious Bekah, you are so loved! No more suffering in silence, it doesn't work, it never will. You are so blessed to have such a support system in place, both near and far, people who will always hold you up and put you before the Father. I know what it's like to try to be in control of might hide it from others, but it will be at the expense of your yourself, your happiness, your health. Always talk to your dear husband about how you're feeling, find a great counselor, take meds for a season.
    I did and I'm glad! I Love you so, Oukie

  3. Hi Bekah,,,a really good suggestion that LeAnna had...that kind of makes sense in a way...I thought about you today when I was running. Just my thoughts...might be time to wean Jack and take one day a week for yourself...have something to look forward to just for you. We get so wrapped up in our little ones that we do become little worry worts over them and then everything seems to just take over. I am a lot older than you..LOT one thing I have learned in life is that we have to keep just a little part of ourselves for have to nurture it deserve it..Jack deserves it and will be a better mother and wife for it...go for a cup of coffee...go for a run...go window shopping...just a little time to reflect on life..(not worry though) are on your way...

  4. just catching up on my reads....ooh! i made a post! lol

    i hope that things are going well. i actually need to see you some week at church! lol


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