You know that oft quoted saying 'It takes a village to raise a child'? Well, not only do I think that is very true, but I think it can be taken a step farther to say 'It takes a village to raise a mother'. And you guys? You are a big part of my 'village'.
After I published my last post, I immediately felt doubt. I contemplated just deleting it, because I felt like I was such an anomaly for feeling this way, that other people don't feel like this. I quickly shut my laptop, because I honestly just felt like if I deleted it, that was letting my feelings take control again, and publishing it was kind of my way of giving anxiety the ol' middle finger.
About 15 minutes later I folded, I was going to delete it before any 'damage' was done, before you found out I was flawed. I logged in, and you, my village, had already stepped up big time. I had no idea so many of you would share your stories with me. I received comments, emails, Facebook messages...and I feel so much better.
Not necessarily anxiety-wise, that is definitely still here. I mean I feel like I took a step in the right direction there, but I feel like I am not so alone. I'm still weird, sure, but I've got you, my village. I have been incredibly blessed with a wonderful real-life support base of women who teach me and share with me, and I feel like I have been doubly blessed to have so many women that I have never even met who are willing to share their stories and their advice with me.
Matt and I are still looking into counseling options through his employer, and are also looking into options through our church (which, duh, somehow I didn't even think of until Flamingo Mama mentioned it).
We decided to hold off on the medication, at least for now. Years ago, I used to look at medication as a crutch, but then I got to thinking and really, what is a crutch for? To help you walk until you are healthy enough to do it on your own. Right now, I feel that, with a some guidance, I can walk on my own. If I find that I can't, then I will explore that option further.
I guess this is my way of trying to say thank you for something I really can't even express, and one week from today, when we gather around the table to gorge ourselves on turkey and stuffing, you better believe I will be saying a prayer of thanks this village.