Monday, January 10, 2011

Thoughts on Weaning

Weaning.  I gotta tell you...it hasn't been easy.  There have been a LOT of tears, some sobbing, maybe even a little whimpering.  Oh, not Jack.  No, he hasn't cried at all, I'm the one that has been doing the crying.  I feel like this is such a big thing, this precious connection that he and I have shared for 14 months is now over, and although it is certainly a necessary change, I don't feel like I was ready.

I feel like I am supposed to feel liberated.  Like...ah, finally, my body is fully my own again.  But honestly, I don't.  I feel like I am missing something.  I miss nursing him at night before he goes to bed.  I couldn't be happier that he has adjusted so well, but in a way, it hurts.  He hasn't skipped a beat, and after just one day without nursing, he stopped asking for it.  That tells me he was completely ready, and I knew that holding on to nursing for my own sentimental reasons was selfish at that point.

I want him to be my baby, my itty bitty little guy that still needs to nurse, but the truth is that he is not my itty bitty baby anymore.  He is a toddler, one that was ready to wean.  As much as I know it doesn't change the relationship he and I have, it feels like the last real physical connection has been broken, which I know had to happen but it still makes a momma cry.
 First step weaning, second step college. 

My boobs hurt.

8 comments:

  1. Ah, dear girl, you break my heart! It is painful in many ways, but will be some easier when you don't hurt so much! It is such a special bond a mother and child shares, just remember all the good you did Jack all those months! He is so healthy and happy...what a face!!! Love to you, Oukie

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  2. Awww, hang in there, Momma. It'll get easier. Buy yourself a new bra when it does, that helped me close out that little chapter of life.

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  3. Ugggh, I could have written this (and probably will once we have completely weaned). It is so hard emotionally on the mama. Thankfully, Beatrice still asks for it quite a bit so I still feel needed and know that she's not ready to be completely done. I will sob once it's all over though.

    Oh, and your poor boobs. Mine hurt and I've only cut out one session.

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  4. And...now I'm crying. Sometimes being the momma is the saddest part. Awesome, but sad.

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  5. I haven't been there so I totally don't *know*, but I can feel the heartache in your post! It sounds like a difficult piece of motherhood, and only the beginning - like you said! Though by the time he gets to college, it may come a little easier. Then again ... I hope not! I would hope for me, when I do become a mother, that by that point, it would be just as hard to let go as if he were an infant still.

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  6. I'm so sorry. I completely understand. I've weaned 4 and am currently nursing the fifth (and dreading weaning him). I so understand all the different kinds of pain you're in. Hang in there, Sweet Mama.

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  7. While I don't understand your feelings completely... I can say that from this point on he will begin to grow and will gradually need you less... but he will also learn more about himself and his personality will come out. And this I know is one of the most inspirational things to see. Good luck Bekah, I'm sure it will get easier.

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  8. What a dream boy! I am so proud of you Bekah!
    I love you,
    Dad-Pap

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