Weaning. I gotta tell you...it hasn't been easy. There have been a LOT of tears, some sobbing, maybe even a little whimpering. Oh, not Jack. No, he hasn't cried at all, I'm the one that has been doing the crying. I feel like this is such a big thing, this precious connection that he and I have shared for 14 months is now over, and although it is certainly a necessary change, I don't feel like I was ready.
I feel like I am supposed to feel liberated. Like...ah, finally, my body is fully my own again. But honestly, I don't. I feel like I am missing something. I miss nursing him at night before he goes to bed. I couldn't be happier that he has adjusted so well, but in a way, it hurts. He hasn't skipped a beat, and after just one day without nursing, he stopped asking for it. That tells me he was completely ready, and I knew that holding on to nursing for my own sentimental reasons was selfish at that point.
I want him to be my baby, my itty bitty little guy that still needs to nurse, but the truth is that he is not my itty bitty baby anymore. He is a toddler, one that was ready to wean. As much as I know it doesn't change the relationship he and I have, it feels like the last real physical connection has been broken, which I know had to happen but it still makes a momma cry.
My boobs hurt.